On 13th February 2017, we lost a dear friend and colleague in tragic circumstances.
The last time I saw Mai – she was leaving the Singapore office one evening – I saw her whilst working in a meeting room and just about to step out and say: “Hey Mai , do you fancy a quick glass of wine?” – but held back as I had some ‘important’ work to complete. “Maybe I’ll catch her another time” ..I thought.
Another time never came. Five days later Mai decided she could no longer cope with the challenges she was struggling with.
For days after she passed away – I kicked myself – “why did I not ask her for that drink? Maybe I could have helped her in some way if we met and spoken?”
Our teams were in shock; soul searching on what more we could have done to prevent this sad outcome.
The reality was that Mai was in a dark place and a glass of wine and chat with Sital (or others) that week was unlikely to have helped change the course of events that week – no matter how good our intentions.
But since that tragic week, I’ve made some conscious choices:
- If someone I know has gone quiet – I check in with a “hey, how are you?” message and follow up if no replies
- If I get an instinct in my stomach about someone – I do something. Check in with them or ask someone else to check
- If I see an online post about mental health, I’ll “like” it to help spread awareness.
- I try and prioritise the people around me. Yes, the important work will get done, but it’s the wellbeing of important people that’s most important
And on 13th Feb each year – we wear Ripped Jeans to celebrate Mai because:
“Mai was one of few people that could wear ripped jeans to the office and look professional and classy with it!!” (Quote: Fiona Hathaway at Mai’s Wake in Feb 2017)
We have a mental health challenge across different segments of society, across age groups, geographies and cultures. In the workplace, each of us have a role to play to help manage this – not just HR, not just the counselling services teams – but all of us.
Neither me nor you need to be an expert. We just need to be human and help bring in the experts when needed.
But it starts with awareness and a willingness to just be there for others with empathy.
So in Mai’s memory, I kindly ask you to:
- Think about how available you are to those around you that may be struggling with a mental health issue?
- Ask yourself, what could you do today to ensure the people around you know it’s “Ok not to be okay”. That your virtual door is always open and they can contact you to talk out things?
- On 13th February, join us wearing some ripped jeans (or ripped denim skirt, shorts or jacket!)
